A New Beginning.

4 more days to New Year! I can’t wait. I’ve been so anxious lately thinking about my PMR result and been praying a lot but I also can’t wait until January 2009. InsyaAllah, I will have a new beginning, though I’ll miss my best friends in SB. Unfortunately, we all are going to be seperated since most of us are going to a different school like Melawati, MRSM or Sg Pusu but seems that H is still going to be in SB next year. I called her yesterday and after assuring her that I will try my best to visit her and the rest next year she said it’s fine since A will be there and does not mind if she could be her bestfriend! Thinking ‘bout befriend next year is going to be tough for me. If I get to go to SA next year, things are going to be a bit rough for me to settle in. My dear cousin L said that he has some friends there and they’re social-kinda teens. Which means minis, low-cut dresses and shorts. My dear cousin N said that her friend S is SA professional photographer during their Prom Night and he said the girls are really spoilt. I don’t want to talk bad about SA since I’ve been longing to go there since Primary 6. However, I know that these information will be pretty handy for me in terms of making new friends. I have my own style and I wear tudung and doesn’t wear tight shirt or jeans. I really hope that my new friends will be civilized looking, wears tudung(if doesn’t it is considered okay if she is decent, I’ll moralize her sooner or later) and a nice person, in and out. When I meant nice it means doesn’t underestimate people, doesn’t talk bad behind people’s back and tells the truth. The third condition somehow is quite ‘impossible’ to find since I have experienced myself from my friends at SB. I befriended a lot with SB students, and they have different mentalities. Not to mention during my first year there I had a major culture shock with different attitudes that they’ve got there. L said I will have another major culture shock and hoped that I would reconsider going to SA. My second choice of school is SMAKL which is soo much different than SA. It’s still a girls’ school but the ambience surrounded there is much more islamic and spiritually clean. I haven’t really got any updates about SMAKL but yesterday when I called A, also one of my best friend, she said that school sure has lots of fun things going on. So maybe I will have great moments in my life there if I go to SMAKL next year. BUT, these schools depending on my result this 30th December. I’ve been praying a lot so that I could achieve straight A’s and make my dear parents proud(: Just like the memories I had when I got good results in UPSR last 3 years, you could see they’re shining faces! Next year is a year that I won’t missed out any part of it. I’ll work harder since it’s a year till SPM and the exam is a major thing that is a matter between ‘life or death’. Year 2009 will be a new year for me. A new beginning.

Lovebug

At last, I’ve accomplished my ‘mission’ to overcome the lovebug that has catched me for quite some time. No, actually almost a year. However, I don’t really know how but this morning on 26th of December 2008, I finally realised I would stop falling in love with you. The feeling has no longer there lingering inside my heart that for almost a year been hopeful for you to return my love. Somehow, I felt terrible because the lovebug didn’t hit me this morning since you are my prince charming that lend your heart to Giselle and I should be envious like all times. I tried to fix the emotion of love inside of me towards you but instead it came as ‘Nada’. In the end, I noticed that it would be the best for me since I will not be envious of Giselle anymore and she wouldn’t be feeling bad since the prince charming loves her and her in return loving him. Right now while I’m writing this, my feelings towards you is empty, no more love, no more hope inside of me. Perhaps, you are just a friend that I’m comfortable to talk with and to share happy moments. Just like friends do. And for the first time, I felt relieved since I will not be acting as a friend to you when we talk but be a friend when we communicate. There’ll be no more love for me, since I can’t accept the feeling of hurt that cut my heart leaving it throbbing in pain. Maybe someday would just be a day that I would fall in love again.